Wrestling Psyches in the Gemini phase

I seem to have a dual personality.  Maybe it’s in the stars. After all I’m a Gemini.  Do the gods mock me with this internal striving of tastes and desire?.  I find that I go into a self-imposed exile and spend 7 months by myself to write and illustrate.  “Working on a new project.”  Making my own decisions, and staying out of contact.  But then the other personal nature wrestles me over and pins me so that my social nature can arise.

Being a creative spirit is a painful course of life.  You rarely find anything others who understand the gift.  You are living with others in isolation of soul.  There is this clawing and scratching to find a place of connection with other humans.  A place to ride the same vibe.

The closest I’ve gotten to this type of rapport is to play music with others, though that is not a true soulful connection.  But we all can catch the groove of a great song, and that seems to patch human spirits together, ever so transiently. We get great community connected through both music and food. Though you eat the same dishes and dance to the same beat, we really have trouble keeping the thread taut. It reminds me of the two cans with the cord we used to have as kids. Never worked really well, did it.

Being a writer can come from desiring this connection so strongly that you’ll do about anything to get the communication process started. Some of us have torn souls, ripped by the indiscretions of family or an evil neighbor who soiled our childhood innocence.

We spit out words and though to make a connection. We tried this as children and were often abused for trying to bother adults with our demands for shared moments. They slapped us and belittled us when we stepped forward with our fledgling efforts to make music, write stories or color a picture. But the more we (our feelings) are trounced upon by heavy sarcasm and mean-spirited comments, we grow in hunger to connect.

It’s like living as an alien in an alien world. A Stranger in a Strange Land. Jo Walton writes this review.

We then turn intelligently defensive, and withhold out thoughts and ideas from others. Or we build unclimbable walls. We then create in isolation. But that same powerful desire to connect keeps throwing us into the painful fray in our efforts to make that singular connection. Aren’t we all still looking for approval.

I’m at a place in my personal life that I’ve gotten some balance, and my soul is stronger now. It’s time to venture out into the world of humankind again. But this time, I’ll seek the company of artists and writers, poets and screenwriters, sculptures and musicians & of course, comedians.

My First Step

I’m considering joining a writer’s group. What do you think? I live in Orange County, California, so I know there are writer’s groups here.

My first search results:

If you are like me, living in your isolation? Are you sensing it’s time to step out and meet someone? Are you a writer or illustrator, poet or painter? Have you joined a community-based group? You may want to if you would like some companionship on this road to achieving success in your passion. You may want to try out www.meeting.com. On Google Plus I searched for “Writer’s Group” and got connected. But I live in OC not LA.

The LA Writer’s Group page

 

Clockwork Orange and AC/DC amazing

I write this blog sometimes thinking that it will appeal to someone, to touch them in some way, but I’m realizing that the web really isn’t about that, it is really about a huge untamed resource of words, images and films, most of which are banal, wicked and pornographic.  The fact that many people are out their writing things that are just as good as any book you read is completely amazing.  I think of the billions of hours spent by humanity to feed this monster for some vain hope of profit is even more amazing.

I rub shoulders frequently with a brilliant young man who is studying communication.  We often swap stories about how the web organism works, how blogging prospers or doesn’t, and about how theories about all this really are preposterous.  I like that word, as it falls in line with absurdity, which is my favorite concept for this season.

For all of you finding my blog because of the Clockwork Orange theme that is coming up across these pages, I salute you.  Do any of you associate AC/CD and Angus, with Clockwork Orange and Alex.  Ever seen their picture together?  Well how about now.

Crazy on Guitar -- Angus Young

You see that Clockwork Orange is this amazing film that goes into how life without choice is no life at all.  I just remember it as a film that showed a rape which was disturbing to me, and the plot of the film had long escaped my wee little mind.  Just like AC/CD’s Dirty Deeds and Highway to Hell really coagulate into one message of party on the way to hell.

Psychopath and loving it

Actually I had lost that amazing interest in writing this summer, and when I found out many of you only visit my site because of Clockwork Orange, I thought, maybe, for once, I’m needed.  Maybe you need more pictures of the gang.  Kubrick makes for this blog, not me.  He was the genius filmmaker, and I wish he had made Napoleon.  Maybe if we are all really good, he will give a showing in the spirit world, where he had hoped we all could meet.  I’d sit through 20 hours of Bonaparte just to get there.

If you stopped at my blog, read this post, and got here by looking for A Clockwork Orange, I salute you.  Please leave me a comment, letting me know why you were searching for that film’s pictures.  What are you rewriting a blog and think no one reads it otherwise.

Here is a recent Clockwork Orange Review and discussion for those of you interested.

A Clockwork Orange

On the Highway to Hell