13
Sep
10

Time for Los Angeles Pro Football


Picture of proposed NFL franchise stadium called the death star

Picture of proposed NFL franchise stadium called Death Star Stadium

Having lived in the Los Angeles area, and worked in LA for the past 12 years, I have learned something of the character of the place.  LA is unquestionably the entertainment capital of the United States, but there is this vacuum.  The place has no professional football team.  What’s up with that?  Are we saying Los Angelinos are a bunch of eunuchs?  Better hope not.

Interestingly enough, the would-be football fans still don jerseys of California teams like the 49ers, the Raiders, and the Chargers.  Yet the dissatisfaction is palpable here, and it is entirely insane that the area carries no team at all.  LA is a fail as a city in entertainment terms because of this gross neglect.

Think about it, and you soon will realize the scope of the corporate soul here.  The lack of heart.  A football team is like having a standing army.  They provide a sense of security and a point for the city to rally to.  Basketball is exciting here.  But frankly the name Lakers does not contain the community spirit.  Lakers is lame as a name in the first place – and shows how everything was transplanted here.  Lakers from the lakes of Minnesota.  Dodgers, well they are the Brooklyn Dodgers of old, and what the hell are they dodging the draft?  Or did they come to dodge baseballs.  LA Angels of Anaheim: this is an awful name and should be trashed.  The galaxy soccer team is also lame sounding, when half the population of LA speaks Spanish, then maybe the team should be named like some of the streets in Spanish.  Corona is taken, so what about Reyes.

This brings me to the point of this piece.  The name of the proposed football team.  It should reflect the greatness of the area.  It should conjure up a feeling of the power of the place and the attitude of dominance.  I’m asking you what name you would think would bring to mind a city as vast and influential internationally.  I think of Stevie Wonder living here, Michael Jackson, and a myriad of other professional musicians.  Then you have the actors, directors, film producers and studios.  Universal, Paramount, Disney, MGM, and all the other big leaguers.  Think of all the blockbuster movies that eclipse the world by their popularity and weight.

photo of Terminator linebacker number 92

"Who care is the helmet fits," Terminator linebacker #92

Why shouldn’t LA have a team mascot that represents something that embodies this stature.  Why shouldn’t  LA have the primadona franchise?  Think about Rocky, the Terminator, Star Wars, Matrix and other amazing films that captured the minds of the American people.  Think about John Wayne, Stallone, Swartzennegger, Eastwood and other heavy hitters.  Where is the masculine image more acutely modeled than Hollywood?  Where else is the psyche of the American male captured than LA, baby.

I feel sorry for the average Joe sporting some other city’s colors because this place is so sadly devoid of real men playing the real macho game of professional football.  How can they celebrate their manhood, and take their children out to see the pinnacle of who they feel they are as men.  I’m sorry hockey, baseball, and basketball, still play second fiddle to football for rugged masculinity.  Not that I don’t appreciate the sports, but we are talking the American value first and foremost.

The entertainment world can create a better football image here in LA.  They can crown LA with a football franchise and go wild with it as far as entertainment value is concerned.  Look at all the other attractions here that are so much a draw to the world.  What if Universal Studios, Warner Brothers or MGM  planned the marketing and merchandizing?  Think on the caliber of ceremony and how LA could be celebrated.  It’s nothing but entertainment people say, but they are wrong, very wrong indeed.  Having football in LA is more than that it is the affirmation of masculinity.

Can’t you see something flashy and amazing bursting forth.  I’ve been thinking of what images carry this concept forward.  Here are some examples:  Skynet stadium with a Team Terminator; The Death Star’s (stadium) Clone Troopers coached by Darth Vader or at least the Men in Black, or how about Jungle Stadium housing the Rambo Mercenaries—complete mayhem!  Jim Rome might even let them use his theme music.

terminator cheerleader

Proposed Terminator Cheerleader

If you could name the team, what would you call it?  If you live in LA, do you feel the pain of having no professional football team here?  It’s like LA has lost its manhood.  At least the Trojans have a complementary contraception commercially available that may enhance their masculinity.  At least the team would have some awesome cheerleaders regardless if the Washington Redskins cheerleaders are any reflection on what is available.  So we picked one cheerleader for the Terminators from the Sarah Conner’s Chronicals, do you like the outfit? Black leather jackets are so LA.  What would football be if their weren’t some females to play for.

Your take?

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3 Responses to “Time for Los Angeles Pro Football”


  1. September 14, 2010 at 8:34 am

    As a rabid NFL football fan I would love to see NFL in Los Angeles again. We are talking one of the largest cities in the United States. Marketability and viewership would be outstanding.
    I would be for moving a team to LA and not an expansion team. I think the Jaguars would be an excellent move. I watched their game on Sunday vs the Broncos and I think there were more players and personnel on the side lines than there were in the stands. This would mean jocking around divisions a bit to get teams aligned right. It would be great for the game to have football in LA again.

    • September 14, 2010 at 10:53 am

      I agree with the concept. I’m sure my focus on the naming of the team is inconsequential. Jaguars would be welcome here. There is money here, but why they haven’t secured a team is impossible for me to tell. It’s just a huge entertainment fail for LA not to have a team. I’d still like to see some imagination here being used to enhance football’s image locally. I’m sick of the gangster Raiders fans.

      • September 21, 2010 at 12:21 pm

        Though this blog isn’t coming up with LA pro football team teams, people on the streets are. LA Triple X is the favorite name so far, with the Steam a distant second. The Triple X has many connotations that are LA related, but the one we want is the powerful locomotive called the Triple X — you can look that up on Wikipedia. Seems the most powerful steam engine had that as a nickname. So might object, but didn’t LA have legal prostitution until 1913, and isn’t half the porno filmed in LA area. Triple X may be tow much for the NFL, but the Steam might work — can you see a big steam engine as the mascot? Kids love trains. LA was the terminal point for the railroads that spanned America. Having 19th century styles back around would be cool too.


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